Early mornings …

Early mornings are different now. I used to be the kind of person who could sleep until 1pm. Now, I am having the experience of my late husband speaking to me in my dreams, usually around 5 am. What does he talk about? He reminds me of things I have to take care of, like the car insurance or Olivia’s text book list for next Fall. Lately, however, he’s been giving me screenplay scenarios. Verbatim. Like, “Write this down, so you won’t forget…”. This morning, I realized I was having a conversation with a dead guy, and told him as much. I also told him he didn’t have to work anymore, that his work was finished, and he could just relax, and wait for me. (I haven’t gotten the nerve up to ask him exactly what he does with all of his free time, but the thought has crossed my mind.) For some reason, I feel like there is some code for dead guys that doesn’t allow them to give out too much information.. kind of like magicians.

At any rate, I don’t get the feeling like I have all the information about how this could possibly be happening, but it’s ok. It feels very much like when he was away on location, (his profession was film acting), and he was calling from the hotel, on a break. I remember how much I hated being apart in those early days, with two small children and no family nearby to aid me in my schedule. Which brings me to a question I have always asked myself, “Why do little kids get sick when your spouse is out of town?!”

So, after years of feeling put upon and resentful about loving my children but finding our family’s schedule of Scott rushing around here and there, crazy hours and no rhyme or reason to it all, (with the exception of a vacation- ask anyone who’s ever traveled with us, and they’ll tell you Scott always left in the middle for a gig.) If we booked a vacation, it was pretty much guaranteed that Scott would book a high paying job! I have finally figured out it was all in preparation for now. A widow keeps on with the schedule, like we planned. Who knew those growing pains were the very training grounds to coping with today? I do, however, have the feeling those early morning phone calls from heaven are going to continue for some time. I’m just thankful that I can answer that phone when he calls. Happy Father’s Day, Scott.

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