Lady Fold-A-Lot, Keeper of the Royal Garments

In every relationship, there are chores to be divided. Everyone pitches in to share the work load. In this case, it’s the laundry load. My brother in law, who we will call “How”, is the King of Laundry. My husband Scott was dubbed, “The Lord of Laundry”. You know the old saying, “You never miss someone, until they are gone?”. This was my day, yesterday:

9am  Going down to basement laundry. 1928 Dutch Colonial. Dark, dreary, if I’m not mistaken, black widow spiders and snakes, bats and mice. Maybe even a opossum. OK, not really, but that’s what it feels like, to me.

Wife/Mother sticks hand in washer to retrieve clean wash for dryer. Instead sticks hand into soapy, wet laundry in a tepid pool of h20. Agh!

As I try to problem solve this mess, I can not call out, “Scott.. the washer is messed up, will you come help me?!”. This is the hardest part.

Challenged by the test, I stomp upstairs, hoping to wake the children, who are “sleeping” through this fiasco. We all know, they are not sleeping, don’t we? It’s all a ruse, not to get involved. It’s also self protection, because they can tell I’m in a huff.

On the now third floor, I spend the rest of my time before work, on the computer, looking for a secret code that is blinking on my washing machine. The code is F51. @#$%&*! What the hell does that mean?! I spend a good hour and a half, watching tutorials on how to take apart your Oasis,gourmet, top of the line, computer meets washing machine nightmare of a woman who hates both computers AND laundry. Give me an ironing board, any day of the week. Hell, when Jay was a baby, I used to iron my sheets! True story. Much less time now, but I actually found it relaxing. My therapist told me there were worse things that people did with their time, so not to worry. So, I don’t. Did I mention, I used to wax my floors once a week, as well? Not so much, now.

Back at the F51 fiasco…

It’s worse than I thought. F51 is Whirlpool’s secret code for: “Sucker! You have to go order a $400.00 new computer board for this baby!” I’m thinking the code should actually be more like, “F-U”. Oh, that’s the price if you take it apart yourself and put the computer board in yourself. I’m not sure what the repair call will be, because frankly, I can’t read it through the bleary eyes staring at the screen. I will call Danny’s Used Appliances, top quality washers and dryers at half price. For $500.00, you can get an Atlantis washer and dryer set, with warranty. Sigh. I go back down to the basement, to look at Scott’s dryer, for one last time. That dryer had dried burp cloths, maternity dresses,shirts for movies he performed in, first day of school uniforms and holiday children’s clothing from Hannah Anderson and Laura Ashley. So many good memories. I laugh at myself for being so sentimental. I will miss my dryer, although not in the same way I miss like my Lord of Laundry. I guess I am now “Lady Fold A Lot, Keeper of the Royal Garments”.

Upstairs, I hear, “Mom, do you have a clean blouse for me?” Yes. I believe I do.


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